As I stated in part one of the series, a female friend of mine brought up the topic of men getting into long term relationships and never taking steps to propose marriage. She wanted to know why a man would date a woman, have it progress into an exclusive relationship, invest many months and/or years of his life with no intention of popping the question. The first installment revolved around a man's unwillingness to surrender his independence and/or manhood. I got a lot of positive feedback and interest in the second installment. So without further adieu...
You're A Bitch
I thought about how to approach this topic for months and I couldn't think of a diluted way to accurately convey what I've discovered during my research. The fact that you are a complete bitch may have played a part in him not popping the question.
This might seem like a literary slap to the face. I don't apologize for the bluntness. I personally use the word more frequently when it comes to weak hearted men but I digress. As always this is not a blanket statement but for some of you it could have played a part in you currently being Ms. Smith instead of Mrs. Jones. You want reasons, here's one of them. To those of you sitting there with a sense of pride in regard to this distinction, don't. As much as women embrace the word while trying to redefine it as being a strong female we all know what a bitch is. It's nothing positive. The rest of you think you aren't one. That could come from denial or you simply have no idea how the rest of the world sees you. Obviously your ex wasn't willing to tell you the truth.
Guys don't love bitches, they lust for them. There's an attraction. Women of this particular distinction often possess qualities that men find desirable. Strength, conviction, intelligence, power, leadership, confidence. You pose a challenge that is intoxicating to the male psyche. The thrill of the chase. It's also assumed that most bitches are great in bed. How would you describe your sex life with your ex? I'm willing to bet you are fairly confident in the bedroom. Your freak flag flies high. So what's not to like about that? The sex alone is worth tolerating a woman with an extreme attitude for about a year.
Guys don't marry bitches because they are cold hearted, self centered, generally cruel, judgemental, controlling and demanding. Who would want to spend the rest of their days on this planet with a walking drama bomb? Life is hard enough without adding a blanket of negativity to it. They marry good girls with a sprinkle of bitchyness. Just enough attitude to keep things interesting but not so much that he wouldn't dare take you to a family function.
Sometimes when a man wants to voice his true feelings without starting a fight he'll mask it with jokes. How often did your ex call you crazy or wild in a seemingly playful way? He probably chuckled at the end of it to make you thing he was just messing you. But in his mind he's thinking, "This bitch really is crazy." And yes that was him being passive aggressive but obviously you didn't notice.
What was your relationship like with his friends? Did you try to get to know them or did you go out of your way to judge them. A man's friends are very important to him. In some cases they are like family to him. It's not to say that they're all perfect gentlemen but they are some of the people your ex trusted a great deal. If you came into the situation and did nothing but talk shit about them, that had to be a red flag for him. Even if you had negative feelings towards them there are subtle ways to voice those opinions.
Did you get along with his family? What kind of impression did you make on them? If you were in bad bitch mode whenever they were around I'd bet money he didn't take too kindly to it and hopefully told you about yourself. Because a man can either have a strong bond with his Mom, Dad or both. In that sort of dynamic if it seemed as if you had no desire to get along with his family why would he want to make you a part of it?
Here's a situation you might have found yourself in on more than one occassion. It's date night, you and your ex head out to a nice restaurant. Let's say the waitress was a little less than spectacular or your silverware had waterspots on them. Are you the type of person to berate the waitress in the most ratchet way you can just to prove a point to yourself? Do you realize how that makes you seem to others? Like a raving bitch. And you know you shouldn't piss off people that handle your food.
Does he have children and a good co-parent relationship with his ex? How did you handle that, honestly? If the answer is poorly, that's a big no-no. Some split households work very hard to maintain good vibes for the sake of the child or children involved. Just because they get along doesn't mean their sleeping together or that he is giving her some sort of hidden benefit. Your baby daddy may have fit that description but that's baggage that you should've dealt with and not projected onto your ex. You probably think that being a bitch towards the situation is going to prevent him from creeping. You're wrong. In some instances that will push him towards her or push her to go after him just to get under your skin. Self sabotaging yourself one action at a time.
This might not be phasing you at all. You are who you are and that's how you're going to stay. That's cool. When you're 50 years old living alone don't waste time looking in the mirror asking what's wrong with you. It can't tell you that you wasted your prime years keeping it 100.